we made out on top of his cat.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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