He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Randomize
