I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
this beer tastes like vomit already
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
