please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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