we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
