Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Who died my cat blue again?
Randomize
