Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
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