I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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