i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
