so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
