we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
i just had sex bonerless
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
