Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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