so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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