to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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