I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
