I swear she didn't look like that last week.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
