grandma shit on top of the toilet
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
