We won't sleep together?
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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