So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
