You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I just found puke in my bra..
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Randomize
