drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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