So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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