the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Randomize
