found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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