Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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