we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
Do you still have your period?
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
