she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
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