1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Randomize
