Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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