I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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