I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
