my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Everything about him screamed your future.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
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