She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
