Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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