I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
