My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
