Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
We left the knife in your bed.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
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