matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
