Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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