I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
People with herpes should wear stickers.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
