At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
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