You work out of a Hotel?
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
