my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
