3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
my being single is dangerous.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
