Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
