we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
