my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Randomize
