Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Randomize
