i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I think I just sharted jello shots
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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