Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Randomize
