He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
