i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
