evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Randomize
