The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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