I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
You took a bar mat shot.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
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