we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
