This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Randomize
