wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
