I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
