You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
