remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
