dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
40s are totally the cure
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Everyone says I win the strip club
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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